tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60986954092248305932023-11-15T09:00:18.230-08:00HEMATOLOGYA STRAIGHT TALKING MARTIAL ARTISTHEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-56522118321193315482008-11-04T05:14:00.000-08:002008-11-04T05:21:35.247-08:00Magic Roundabout.<span style="font-family:times new roman;">12 men washed up on the shore<br />of an island made of sand and shell<br />and with them came the wreckage of<br />the ship from which they fell.<br /><br />How are we to survive!<br />thought each man in his horror<br />for none have useful tools<br />to keep hunger from the door.<br /><br />But some fortune had indeed shone<br />of which at first they were unaware<br />for with them washed up on the beach<br />were 11 antique dining chairs.<br /><br />Hooray! they shouted one and all.<br />We're saved at last, you see,<br />for the means of deliverance is at hand<br /><em>for 12 antique dealers we will be!</em><br /><br />So round and round the chairs did sell<br />and an economy they did create<br />from nothing they had built an empire<br />to stave off their cruel fate.<br /><br />But why do I sit and rhyme<br />and upon these 12 a tale to dwell?<br />Well it just occurs to me that these men<br />a tale of HEMA they do tell.<br /><br />Round and round the rabid repertoire runs.</span>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-63007202932238027632008-11-03T07:04:00.000-08:002008-11-03T07:21:22.819-08:00Bored now.Poor little HEMAboy<br />sitting in a /tree<br />wanted to be the only voice<br />that rants anonymous to thee.<br /><br />Listen to my ranting<br />and ponder pon'st my 'pinions<br />and let me be the only rebel<br />that stirs up all you minions.<br /><br />But anyone can post a rant<br />on the Internet.<br />It's a wide wide wide wide sea of tripe<br />for mostly offal you will get.<br /><br />In t'internet a voice is tiny<br />As tiny as any other<br />Floating in a load of crap<br />of which most people are not bothered.<br /><br />To quest for laurels on this medium<br />a fools quest this will be.<br />No-one's really listening<br />so words should be posted<br /><br />just<br /><br />for<br /><br />thee.<br /><br />But HEMAboy was full of fire<br />and vitriol was rife<br />I liked to read the sharpened words<br />cutting like a knife.<br /><br />But now I'm slighty bored of HEMAboy<br />it started out quite pithy<br />but now the cutting barbs are blunted<br />which really is a pity.<br /><br />He's just another voice now.<br />Aw well...HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-47866733499476613522008-10-21T01:14:00.000-07:002008-10-21T02:02:19.765-07:00We few, we happy few, we band of sparring watchersIt is sad that sparring videos get less views on youtube than the show pony ones.<br />Don't get me wrong, the show pony ones are nicely done, but why so many more views than sparring? Does it make them hold their manhoods cheap? Or perhaps, like me, it gives them raging boners, which are potentially troublesome if working as a school teacher (but not if you are a ninja). <br /><br /><br />Principal: Explain to me, Mr Willet, why did you burst into class after lunch today with your erect phallus protruding from your pants? Several children have had to be be sent for counselling.<br /><br />Mr Willet: Well you see sir, I was watching some HEMA sparring videos on youtube at lunch and lost track of time. In my rush to return to class, I forgot about my the effect it has on me.<br /><br />Principal: HEMA sparring videos?<br /><br />Mr Willet: Yes sir, you know...swordfighting. Two men clashing their swords together in a battle for the true place, the best of which is behind them. It has wrestling and all, very popular in the olden days..even monks did it!<br /><br />Principal: Mr Willet must I re-affirm our internet usage policy to you? Pornography is a dismissable offence.<br /><br />Mr Willet: What? Usage poli... No I didn't mean that swordfighting!<br /><br /><br />"Oh but there are no good sparring videos out there! They all give HEMA a bad name!" say the new romantics.<br /><br />Bullshit. There are some fantastic sparring videos out there. Drilling videos can be nice to watch, but it is no good doing a perfect drill if you can't use the techniques and principles of that drill in free fencing. Sparring videos show were people are really at with their training. So what we need are more good fencing videos and more good people watching them. Why? Because it encourages discussion of peoples TRUE form, not their drilling form.* Because it shows to the non-HEMA martial artists out there that HEMA is effectively pressure tested. Because it can reveal the failings in your drilling that couldn't otherwise be seen. Because it gives me a raging boner.<br /><br />So make more sparring videos! Watch more sparring videos! And most importantly, discuss what you see in them!<br /><br /><br />*Well as close to the true for as we can get without actually fighting with swords for real.HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-56812051177734530922008-10-18T14:51:00.000-07:002008-10-19T08:53:45.252-07:00Why Fiore?Seriously, are you Italian?<br /><br />No. If you were you'd be too busy drinking coffee out of very small cups and riding scooters.<br /><br />Do a proper English martial art like.....<br /><br />errr.......<br /><br />errr......<br /><br />Oh sod it, make mine an expresso.HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-49082639798438067962008-10-17T06:49:00.000-07:002008-10-17T07:34:54.983-07:00Are Eye Pee<em>It's inevitable I suppose</em><br /><em>on a blog that does decry</em><br /><em>those features of the Double You Em Ay</em><br /><em>to comment upon Ess Eff Eye.<br /></em><br /><em>It's been around for many years</em><br /><em>A battle ground were many do aim</em><br /><em>to fight for wider credability</em><br /><em>to fight for their own 'name'.</em><br /><br /><em>Puffed up self important twats</em><br /><em>slap dicks upon the table</em><br /><em>and argue about the finer points of utterly utterly tedious passages in manuscripts that the rest of us are uninterested in or find of little use when sparring or simply know already because it's soooo blooody obvious</em><br /><em>but we follow as best we're able.</em><br /><br /><em>Hah! I bet you didn't think</em><br /><em>that last verse would actually scan</em><br /><em>But sometimes it is good to get</em><br /><em>as much into a line as one can.</em><br /><br /><em>For comic effect.</em><br /><em>So there.</em><br /><em>Aaaanyway...</em><br /><br /><em>Despite the tiresome back and forth</em><br /><em>that grace these academic travails</em><br /><em>it's not the content that entertains</em><br /><em>the Devil's not in the Details.</em><br /><br /><em>It's the argument itself that's fun.</em><br /><br /><em>The academic shuffling</em><br /><em>I find a tedious read</em><br /><em>but in all honesty most seem to think</em><br /><em>that it's fun to watch 'names' breed</em><br /><br /><em>contempt for one another, </em><br /><em>and contempt for that foul forum</em><br /><em>regardless of the content</em><br /><em>the arguments do seldom bore 'em.</em><br /><br /><em>It's not a place for reasoned talk</em><br /><em>or collaboration</em><br /><em>it's a place to strut and puff and huff</em><br /><em>and strut and stride before the congregation</em><br /><em>shouting </em><br /><em>'I am best!', </em><br /><em>'I know better!', </em><br /><em>'You're a petty prole!'</em><br /><em>'I've studied this stuff longer than you, </em><br /><em>so shut your yapping hole!'<br />'Don't argue with me you little man!'</em><br /><em>'With your trolling don't you bait!'</em><br /><em>'I've studied this topic since time began!'</em><br /><em>'And, the moderator's my best mate!'</em><br /><br /><em>No more reasoned talk</em><br /><em>It's all a waste of breath</em><br /><em>For it's now a circus full of clowns</em><br /><em>It's a cage fight to the death.</em><br /><br /><em>And it's day 5 million of the Silver debate in the big brother household.</em><br /><br /><em>So settle down, enjoy the show</em><br /><em>and perhaps you might take a look</em><br /><em>in the advert breaks of this Hemazon </em><br /><em>and purchase my new book.</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-87274238606733171112008-10-17T03:13:00.001-07:002008-10-17T07:00:12.371-07:00Giving you the finger.<em>Why are fingers so ignored?</em><br /><em>true, constant hits do make us bored</em><br /><em>But fingers have an important role</em><br /><em>It allows us to our weapon hold.<br /></em><br /><em>It's true.</em><br /><em>You've gotta hold onto that sword.</em><br /><br /><em>But some clubs do ignore such stress</em><br /><em>and will keep fighting regardless</em><br /><em>of proposed defingeration</em><br /><em>and ruin our hard wrough simulation.<br /></em><br /><em>What an utter waste of time</em><br /><em>to fight those who see no reason nor rhyme</em><br /><em>to concede defeat when they have lost</em><br /><em>all their fingers but too no cost.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>God.</em><br /><em>I hate that.</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-4965560606768531102008-10-17T01:01:00.000-07:002008-10-17T02:24:59.520-07:00Yo!<span style="font-family:courier new;">bamboo<br />can do<br />and wood work<br />would work<br />or nylon<br />a denouement<br />but shiney steel<br />has truer feel<br />but needs gambeson<br />to play upon<br />and trades cuts<br />not up to much<br />that bamboo<br />can do<br />Triangulation!<br />a compilation,<br />a derivation,<br />gives the sensation<br />that has correlation,<br />a blood relation,<br />to confrontation<br />with swords.</span>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-45326216954332607542008-10-16T06:04:00.000-07:002008-10-17T10:25:33.821-07:00MS One Three ThreeIt's s'posed to be one thirty three<br />but they spell it with an I<br />The earlist fencing system<br />we have, but tell me why<br />are the monks crouched down like pussies<br />and why on tippy toes<br />and why does the fucking buckler go<br />wherever the sword goes?<br />It a deeply silly system<br />that doesn't really work<br />yet noone wants to be the first<br />to say, "What fucking jerk<br />invented this weird crock of shit<br />and taught it to the clergy?"<br />This cranky system's a disgrace<br />to swords and.. metallurgy.<br />So generations yet to come<br />will study this MS<br />then prance in masks and gorgets and<br />pretend it's not a mess.<br />It's clear to me, why can't they see<br />a knight from the Crusades<br />returned and joined a monastery<br />and taught them to use blades.<br />He said he'd show the brothers there<br />to defend themselves from witches;<br />but it was all a fucking joke -<br />he must have been in stitches!HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-43825643733331700292008-10-16T02:43:00.000-07:002008-10-16T03:06:14.151-07:00The secret of steel<em>A strange contradiction exists,</em><br /><em>(steel again, I'm afraid)</em><br /><em>for those only with steel do seem to feel</em><br /><em>that their efforts are the most brave.<br /></em><br /><em>But have you ever hit a steeler,</em><br /><em>when lusty blows do rain?</em><br /><em>The steelers always are the very first</em><br /><em>to cry foul and complain.</em><br /><br /><em>An explanation I have sought,</em><br /><em>for you'd really think otherwise,</em><br /><em>they fight with steel and do believe</em><br /><em>that they brook no compromise.</em><br /><br /><em>But consider what some steelers face</em><br /><em>(regardless what they claim) </em><br /><em>They trade weak blows, </em><br /><em>and pulled attacks</em><br /><em>and rarely face much pain.</em><br /><br /><em>Such steelers just aren't used to blows</em><br /><em>which deal them much distress.</em><br /><em>So when a martial type is faced </em><br /><em>who upon such does with vigour presse</em><br /><br /><em>They recieve blows to which they are not used</em><br /><em>and bitch and gripe and moan.</em><br /><em>Such types are best avoided.</em><br /><br /><em>Just leave them on their sugar throne.</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-18555891199821641532008-10-16T00:59:00.000-07:002008-10-16T01:13:00.314-07:00Silver<em>Silver, I just don't get</em><br /><em>with all his efs and esses</em><br /><em>But others too seem just as lost</em><br /><em>their hard thought work just guesses.</em><br /><br /><em>For I've never seen a Silver fight</em><br /><em>in a manner that looked martial.</em><br /><em>Hopping around well out of reach</em><br /><em>forever circling they seem partial.</em><br /><br /><em>To dance and skip just seems wrong.</em><br /><em>Silver seems a lusty sort</em><br /><em>With bile and spittle would he dive right in </em><br /><em>in the battles that he fought?</em><br /><br /><em>So, Silver, I just don't get</em><br /><em>but with good company I keep pace.</em><br /><em>No one seems to get Silver</em><br /><em>No one has found that right place.</em><br /><em></em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-21346694498430891182008-10-15T17:18:00.000-07:002008-10-15T17:41:03.105-07:00SCA Twats: Or the Luck of the IgnorantIs it just me or is the average IQ of the standard SCA guy somewhere in the Negative digits?<br /><br />Take for example Vassilis Tsafathead over on My Armoury:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.myarmoury.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=14012&highlight">http://www.myarmoury.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=14012&highlight</a>=<br /><br />This mouth breather is convinced that what the SCA does is a valid martial art even though it looks like nothing from any treatise and is just well, a bunch of mentally retarded mouthbreathers hitting each other in the head He-Man style with clubs and plastc D&D armor.<br /><br />The he comes along with this Gem:<br /><a href="http://www.myarmoury.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=14394">http://www.myarmoury.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=14394</a><br /><br />And a Week or two later, Albion does this:<br /><a href="http://www.myarmoury.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=14455">http://www.myarmoury.com/talk/viewtopic.php?t=14455</a><br /><br />Coincidence or the luck of the retarded?HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-74918387285072157712008-10-15T16:15:00.000-07:002008-10-15T16:27:13.945-07:00Rapier guys - don't be a spazSo, people with rapiers. They're a bit silly aren't they?<br /><br />People talk about the best rapier to get. Should I get a Practical? Maybe a Darkwood armoury one? Or how about one from Arms and Armour?<br /><br />Well, all you rapier monkeys out there, I've got a little message for you. I say, don't get one at all because they are a bit fucking silly.<br /><br />But on the other hand, aren't you sick of all the idiots who says rapiers are stupid? I've got a question for you; - if they were that stupid, why did Captain Alatriste have one, eh? Noone could doubt how cool he was, right?<br /><br />Maybe, just maybe Silver was a xenophobic incompetant who would have been spitted like an apple on a skewer in like the first few seconds of a real fight. So everyone dissing rapier guys - try cracking open a history book once in a while and not basing your opinions on your own secondhand petty prejudices...HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-75446598907451704182008-10-15T09:03:00.000-07:002008-10-15T09:04:24.602-07:00<em>And the there is the paddeds.</em><br /><em>Pillows with which to fight.</em><br /><em>Great lumpen blades,</em><br /><em>a mass of tape,</em><br /><em>to HEMA they are a blight.</em><br /><br /><em>For LRPers like the paddeds.</em><br /><em>And we're not LRPers.</em><br /><em>Okay?</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-57707105566397104052008-10-15T08:52:00.001-07:002008-10-15T08:52:41.974-07:00<em>Wrapped around a shapely thigh </em><br /><em>to make us stare and drool.</em><br /><em>But some insist on making it</em><br /><em>into a training tool.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Nylon! The space age sword</em><br /><em>in a wide range of colours</em><br /><em>from black or white.</em><br /><em>A Brave New World of training,</em><br /><em>or expensive, fancy shite?</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-49332760213321658812008-10-15T08:44:00.001-07:002008-10-15T08:45:29.391-07:00<em>Bamboo perhaps?</em><br /><em>Eastern magic,</em><br /><em>or bouncy shite?</em><br /><em>Made for nutters</em><br /><em>who must fight</em><br /><em>like maniacs</em><br /><em>with no regard</em><br /><em>who will make you eat lead</em><br /><em>and hit well hard.</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-71805171454114440162008-10-15T08:39:00.001-07:002008-10-15T08:39:19.000-07:00<em>Wood's okay,</em><br /><em>I supoose.</em><br /><em>It's cheap.</em><br /><em>It's safe.</em><br /><em>But can you pose</em><br /><em>quite so well</em><br /><br /><em>with a good hard wood?</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-71275911937119958992008-10-15T08:37:00.001-07:002008-10-15T08:37:32.651-07:00<em>Steel steel,</em><br /><em>why do they feel</em><br /><em>that it's only steel</em><br /><em>that will reveal</em><br /><em>the secrets of</em><br /><em>that which we wield?</em><br /><br /><em>Why oh why only steel?</em>HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6098695409224830593.post-53534857876793411252008-10-15T08:29:00.001-07:002008-10-15T08:29:29.484-07:00Ideas...<br /><br />...are bullet proof.HEMA MANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744607258830655250noreply@blogger.com0